Sasquatch in a Public Urinal

As I stand in front of the tenth floor, public, workplace urinal, I am terrorized by a litany of self-imposed rhetorical questions: Who is shedding pubes at such a prolific rate? Was this even an accident? Are there humans who prune their pubes in the work bathroom urinal? Is this natural shedding or do they have a medical condition? Christ! Are they just standing here yanking out handfuls of fully attached pubic hair? Are those even pubes? Do pubes actually grow to that length? How are humans responsible for anything that has ever been beneficial in this world if this is what they do when they are left to their own devices in an otherwise unattended bathroom.

Jesus! Are those booger’s on the wall? What the fuck? Is the same person responsible for this or are there multiple miscreants using this bathroom? That would explain the sickly impressive amount of pubes and snot. Is everyone except me doing this?